**Vampirism Meets Overspending: The Death-Football of Late-Stage Capitalism** In the realm of football, Manchester United and Chelsea exemplify a curious truth: boredom can be an integral part of the sport, and perhaps even a facet of its charm. So, what exactly transpired in their recent encounter? It’s a bit of a riddle. There’s a humorous notion in Australian sports journalism that goes something like this: start with “Here’s The Thing,” then proceed to dissect that Thing in a candid 800-word analysis, thoroughly exploring its nuances, before wrapping it up with a friendly toast to the Thing itself. What was the Thing in this match? A sense of trapped energy, a feeling of drift, and a pervasive ennui. There was a standout moment, of course—a brilliant goal from Moisés Caicedo. Yet, it all seemed to encapsulate the death-football that characterizes late-stage capitalism. Casemiro, for instance, spent a considerable amount of time on the ground, often to surprisingly effective defensive results. In this context, the match becomes a reflection of broader societal themes, where the excitement of the game is overshadowed by a sense of stagnation and excess. The spectacle of football, once vibrant and full of life, now feels like a commentary on the state of the world—where overspending and a lack of genuine engagement lead to a kind of lethargy on the pitch. Ultimately, this encounter serves as a reminder that even in the world of elite football, moments of brilliance can be overshadowed by a pervasive sense of ennui, leaving fans to ponder the true essence of the sport they love.